Cancer is an ugly word.
I’ve never liked that word! I dislike it even more now. Cancer is such an ugly word. I know I’ve always felt badly for people who tell me they or their family member has cancer, but I have never been able to really identify…until now.
I went to the Dr. for a routine visit in November as well as to talk to her about the possibility of my being able to conceive. The tests and blood work came back with no red flags, so we proceeded to the next step. An ultrasound and a biopsy just to erase any doubts. The results came back on Dec. 16, and I was immediately at a loss for words. I’m glad James was home with me when the Dr. called because he held my hand through it all and let me cry. In fact, he may have cried a few tears himself.
I went for the DNC on December 23, hoping and praying that what the biopsy had shown would NOT be there.
The Results are In
Tuesday after Christmas the results came back. I do have Endometrial Adenocarcinoma, FIGO Grade 2: Cancer. The recommendation is total hysterectomy. I have been trying to process what all this means for me, and for James.
There are no GYN Oncologists here in WY, so I must go to Denver, CO for consultation and treatment plan.
I don’t know exactly what I’m supposed to feel, but I know what I do feel….I feel awful for everyone who ever has to hear the C word! I’m ashamed for all the times I should have cried with friends and family who found out they had/have cancer, and I didn’t. I must be a failure…as a wife, and as a woman.
I feel hopelessness washing over me like a wave. I’m trying not to let it pull me under. Will I never hold a sweet little baby in my arms? Will I regret doing the procedure? Will I dream about the babies that could have been?
I’m sure that life won’t be easy over the next few weeks and months, maybe even years, but this one thing I’ve determined. Cancer is an ugly word, but it will not own me. I will fight. I will not give up. I choose to let it strengthen me!
Sweet lady! Cannot imagine all the emotions involved in all of this for you. For the both of you. Prayers for peace and guidance.
Thank you, Jennie! I appreciate your prayers!! Thanks for all your encouragement!!
So sorry that you are having to go thru such heartache & pain! 🙁 I haven’t had to deal with that awful word Myself, but have so many friends that Have! I will be praying for you, that God will give you Extra strength , for Each day ahead ! ♡ Michele K
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have had a couple of skin cancers, but mild ones. However, many in my family have died from cancer (2 grandmas, my mom, uncle, sister, step-brother, step-aunt), and so I know how hard it is to walk with someone who has cancer.
Put all your faith and trust in God. He alone knows the Plans he has for you in all areas of your life.
Praying for you!
Thank you, Lori! His Plans are great, I know, but sometimes it’s hard to see the big picture. Gotta keep trusting though 🙂 Have a beautiful day!
Thank you, Michele! I appreciate your prayers!!!
I will be praying for you Dear One. Just remember when you are in the palm of God’s hand, nothing can take you out of it! May God strengthen your faith through this difficult journey and may He give you and your loved ones peace and tender care. You are loved!
Thank you!! I appreciate your kind and encouraging words! Hugs from WY! 🙂
Well, this stranger, thousands of miles away, is crying for you this morning, and holding you and your dear ones in prayer.
My dad had one of those cancers that was diagnosed at a very late stage and he died a couple months after diagnosis. Two days after he died, I was by myself driving in the car when my cellphone rang and I saw it was the surgeon who had just found some ulcers when they were trying to sort stomach pain I’d been having. I was stuck in a mini traffic jam, so I picked up. He was calling to tell me that the biopsy they’d sent showed cancer, lymphoma, and he was phoning me to give me this news and a referral to the oncologist.
I understand all of the wild range of emotions that come at first – so many and so very overwhelming. The journey out in front of you is gigantic at this point, and everyone draws on different tools. Be true to who you are – our culture uses warrior words to “fight this thing” and “kick cancer’s ass” etc, but there is a movement out there to frame it differently for those of us who aren’t wired that way. You be you – you deal with this with whatever tools are native and beautiful to you.
Blessings and peace to you today; I’ll be holding you in prayer.
Thank you, Kimberly! I appreciate the kind words and the encouragement! And thank you for the prayer as well. Have a beautiful day!
I am so sorry to hear this. You and your family are in my prayers.
Big hugs from Indiana!
Hugs back, Angie! Thank you for your thoughts and prayers!
I’m so sorry! What a hard diagnosis to get! I’ll be keeping you in prayer. Let me know if I can do anything.
Thank you, Kay! I appreciate the prayers! Hope all is well over near Elk Mountain 🙂